Sunday, December 30, 2007

Thursday, December 27, 2007

sorry

sorry i havnt been posting on the regular but ive been pretty busy. I was thinking about ordering bussiness cards. The cards come in packages of a 1000. Im thinking im gonna get 1. 2000 seems like a lot of cards.

"That's impossible! Even for a computer!"

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Canadian Correspondent David Gold

Well, I'm finally coming back to the first world in two days, and it's about goddamned time. Canada has certainly been an interesting place, but I would have a hard time recommending prolonged exposure to it to all but the bravest of individuals. Recently, Canada has seen the onset of snow, which appears to be the national precipitate. I have seen accumulation of 6 or 7 inches in one night, although since it gets dark at 4:30 the night does get some bonus time to work with. Either way, Canadians don't appear to realize that snow is dangerous and is likely punishment for their sinful pacifist ways. I went to a bartending class and the instructor told us that Clamato juice was a Canadian invention. Apparently only a Canadian would dare mix clam broth and tomato juice (and I really have to ask, Why? Why would you do that and be proud of it?). I told her that America invented the light bulb, but she didn't seem interested.

Don't look at Quincy Jones. Quincy Jones ain't gonna help you.
--DG

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Republicans

I just saw Mike Huckabee's leading in the republican polls. Seriously. If he wins the nomination the gop will win utah and thats it. I dont understand why they want a candidate who is not even close to viable nationally. I guess they just really are stupid.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Reading

Theres a billboard just off campus in Oxford that reads

MISSISSIPPI with effective leadership our children could read.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Canadian Correspondent David Gold - Spotlight On: Celine Dion

Listen Bitches,

I know I haven't posted in a while but I have good reasons: 1. My life has become a never-ending cycle of cheap heroin and cheaper Malaysian hookers 2. This country is uneventful. I am becoming increasingly aware that Celine Dion is balls-to-walls huge up here for some reason. In Quebec she's like Kanye times Mohammed plus Madonna to the power of Jesus Christ. In my 25-person French class, my professor went around the room and had everyone say one sentence about Celine. When we ran out of information, any positive statement was accepted as fact. My professor was also inordinately proud of the fact that she shares a birthday with Celine's son, and told us that when friends call her to wish her a happy birthday they make sure to remind her how important that day is to all of them. My class also learned, without asking, that Celine's pregnancy was made possible by in vitro fertilization. I'm sure this will all come in handy sometime down the road.

You wanna get that paper, you better start baking
--DG

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Dear America,

there has been a lot of clamoring for me to run as the president of the united states. I am extremely flattered but i would like to inform you all that I will not run in 2008. Not only have I had trouble raising money, but I think that it is unconstitutional for me to run in 2008, if this is true i call it unfair. I had some great ideas:

1. the whole china rant from a few minutes ago
2. free sweaters for all
3. livestock and potatoes will count as 3/5 of a man in the 2010 census, thus escalating Wyoming and Idaho into POWERHOUSES for the 2012 election
4. legalize it!
5. Did you know Wednesday is named for the Norse God Odin? Wēdnes dæg is like the Old Norse Oðinsdagr ("Odin's day"), which is an early translation of the Latin dies Mercurii ("Mercury's day"). Though Mercury (the messenger of the gods) and Woden (the king of the Germanic gods) are not equivalent in most regards.
6. Wednesday will now be called Freedomday of Liberty anyone worshipping the false idol of Odin shall be forced to live in Little Rock Arkansas

checkers

i propose that anyone caught playing chinese checkers should be put to death, also chinese food should be referred to as liberty food or freedom food. We need to stop these quasi-commy bastards while we still can

Monday, November 5, 2007

hot toothpaste

have you ever brushed ur teeth with reaaly hot toothpaste, its sooo not enjoyable and refreshing.

also special feature- A Window into the Magnolia State:

It is illegal to teach others what polygamy is.

A man may not seduce a woman by lying, and claiming he will marry her.

If one is a parent to two illegitimate children, that person will go to jail for at least one month.

Cattle rustling is punishable by hanging.

Vagrancy is punishable by either 30 days in prison or a $250 fine.

Unnatural intercourse, if both parties voluntarily participate, results in a maximum sentence of 10 years and $10,000.

It is illegal for a male to be sexually aroused in public.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

hunan number 1

I went to a chinese buffet today and got macaroni and cheese. it was so bad. theres an indian place next door. Im thinking about going there for dinner, i hear they have good grits and biscuits..

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Canadian Correspondent David Gold - Spotlight On: Sport

Apparently hockey season DID start recently. I want to apologize to everyone here that I so deeply offended when I wondered that aloud. You're right, I am the single dumbest person alive. Fuck you all. Keep praying there's ice in hell.

p.s. Go Caps

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Spotlight On:

Myanmar Junta- those pricks are total assholes

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

sheets?

everyone in my dorm is wearing a sheet right now. there must have been a big kkk rally, which I hate by the way.

no wait turns out just a toga party.

Monday, October 15, 2007

a journey THROUGH TIME

on this date in 412 AD Theopolis Patriarch of Alexandria is born. Later in Life he dies.

long sleeve shirts for now on? maybe?

Greg Brighton (UIllinois) wrote at 8:17pm on October 12th, 2007
i gave the tattoo artist free range to put in the details and it came out amazing.

USSR

im kinda rooting for the reformation of the soviet union.. I miss the Russian accents in Bond Movies

Friday, October 12, 2007

Canadian Correspondent David Gold - Spotlight On: Economy

This actually happened a couple of weeks ago, but if you rely on Beer Me That Blog as a news source you should seriously re-evaluate your life. Anyway, the Canadian dollar, which was equal to 63 American cents as recently as 2002, is now worth more than its American counterpart (1 Canadian to 1.02 U.S., as of right NOW, when I wrote the "NOW", the first one). What does this mean? AMERICANS ARE FUCKED, some like myself harder and more graphically. The American dollar is slowly falling, but this newfound parity can be attributed primarily to the oil-driven economic boom currently occuring in Canada. It has recently become beneficial to extract oil from the massive Alberta oil sands, the largest proven oil reserve outside Saudi Arabia. According to my Canadian sources, Alberta still "blows mad cock", but the Canadian economy is reaping the benefits. I recently told Shawn from Vancouver (name changed, from Sam, to preserve anonymity) that it was just a matter of time before the U.S. military invasion, to which he responded, with dead-ass seriosity, "That's the doomsday scenario everyone talks about." I found that hilarious, but I'd probably be worried too if my military was outnumbered by the employees of Disneyworld (real talk).

They thought it was a record, they ain't know it was me
--DG

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Free if you want!

go to http://www.inrainbows.com/ and get the new radiohead cd. pay as much as you want, itss fantastic

english

in my english 101 class a few hours ago we went to my teachers house a few miles off campus. Once we got there we sat on her front porch and talked about her ex-husbands while some of my fellow students smoked cigarettes, i just sat and nodded and said things like "is that right" and "Really?" then we talked about the movie we had to watch instead of coming to class the next 1o days. there were also nachos and soda.

best class ever

My girlfriends cantilever

Monday, October 8, 2007

A WIndow into the Magnolia State

Mississippians love soda. its a fact. There always drinking it here, apparently they love the sweet taste!

residents of the Magnolia state also seem to enjoy wearing sunglasses. I asked a kid in my dorm "why the sunglasses all the time" he said " i unno its sunny out"

what a crazy crazy place

Blacklisted

This is my "blacklist" of people places and things that we should we should keep our eyes on

1. The state of Arkansas
2. Wolverines (there big weasels... i just dont trust them)
3. Albanians
4. Pierre Morisset
5. Youth "Culture"
6. Countdown shows on E
7. Cheerleaders with conservative outfits
8. The Goddamn liberal media
9. Girls that just wanna be friends
10. People that speak a "language" other than english
11. People who think living at school is exciting and fun

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

whats the etiquette on that?

im gonna do this segment on the regular cause i dont really know how to be a fuctioning member of socierty. first issue: my roommate has red hair, i dunno what that means for me. What colors should i stay away from? I have a red hat, i am allowed to wear that? I also dunno about orange? should i go heavy blue (reds greatest enemy) and lastly can i eat strawberrys? id love some feedback

also my ra just came in my room and asked if it was my chair in the hallway.. i said no.

BUT IT WAS my chair, FUCK YOU authority!

Monday, September 24, 2007

also

also the animorphs series was filmed by our neighbors that eat tacos only sometimes.. iceman was the main character, i hated those Yeerks! he loved his mom but she just wasnt his mom anymore. She had an alien in her brain! also iceman could turn or "morph" into animals..

for more info check out those booklists they gave us in 2nd and 3rd grade that also had hanson biographies

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Canadian Correspondent David Gold - Spotlight On: Canadian Cinema

Listen Bitches,

While it may not have an outstanding track record in terms of actually producing commercial films (though Black Robe is my shit), Canada has made a significant impact in the movie industry by sneaking its homegrown actors into American films, right under Hollywood's nose. For instance, would you be surprised to know that four out of five actors in this list are Canadian?

Jim Carrey
Ryan Gosling
Ryan Reynolds
Mark Ruffalo
Kiefer Sutherland

If you said Kiefer was the American, you're DEAD WRONG. That distinction actually belongs to Mr. Ruffalo, aka Ted Stewart, Donna's love interest in a "View From the Top", which may be the most criminally underrated film of the past 10 years. Kiefer was actually born in England and raised primarily in Toronto, which really makes the anguished screams of every terrorist he chokes to death seem slightly forced and hollow. In addition, Keanu Reeves, Elisha Cuthbert, Jason Priestley, and Seth Rogen were all raised in the land of maple syrup. So the next time you're deciding which movie to rent, you may want to get the best of borth worlds by picking up A View From the Top, which combines the comedic talents of both Mark Ruffalo and Canadian Mike Myers in a layered story about what it means to find love as a flight attendant in contemporary times. Thank me later.

Keep it nappy or braided up
-DG

alltel

alltel or altell or whatever is trying to sell phones based on the idea that chad is cooler than the other four guys.. was that guy the coolest guy they could find? The only difference between him and the other guys is his hair is died blonde. i mean, i thought that was cool in 5th grade or 6th? i dont remember. they should have gotten somone who is actually cool.. like Samuel l Jackson or Lee Corso who may be the coolest man alive

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

About the poll...

Firstly, i'm appalled at these results. Secondly, who knew 13 people read this blog? NOT ME! Thirdly, why is it possible to change your vote? thats really not how polls work...you can't just change your vote, it makes the poll almost completely pointless. Weird.

-Dickson Thomas Cohen

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

trix

Trix come in balls now? what the fuck is that about.. the rabbit can just have them

Monday, September 10, 2007

Dead to me retraction

ok so first of all Tiger your not dead to me your very much alive

secondly zoe your still alive to me duhhh every though ur farr away, but theres trains and planes and cars, ill see you soon i looove u

and thirdly my family i guess, but no cousins, only the ones i have to love

Saturday, September 8, 2007

New Style of Short Correspondent Dickson Cohen

I'm gonna wear sleeveless shirts all the time now...just to keep people on their toes. Plus if I meet someone whilst wearing a sleeveless tee and prove to be the least bit normal they'll be all "hey man, i thought you'd be weird based on your choice of shirt.". I also considered wearing replica NBA jerseys daily, but I fear that is too big an initial social setback to overcome.

oprah or a corpse?

guys would you rather do jessica alba 10 minutes after she was dead or oprah?


you sick fucks

also- food too salty or too sweet?

When I die

ok so when i die im gonna have a treasure map for everything in my will.. hopefully everyone will be sad when im dead but then theyll be like.. A Treausure map this is fucking awesome

Friday, September 7, 2007

Wing Fanatic

i just ordered wings and a deluxe burger no onions and they said itd be an hour and a half.. HOW THE FUCK IS THAT POSSIBLE.. its like 5 blocks away. F U mississippi f u

More from Canadian Correspondent David Gold

To Whom It May Concern,

The American football season may have kicked off in grand fashion today, but the Canadian Football League has been in action since late June. Some of the noticeable differences between the American and Canadian games are that, in the case of Canadian football, each team uses 12 players at a time, the field is 110 yards long, there are only 3 downs, and nobody cares (the CFL championship, or Grey Cup, attracts about 4 million viewers a year; by contrast, the last season premiere of The View attracted 3.4 million, no bullshit). Americans may remember the CFL from the "CFL USA" era of the mid-1990's, when the CFL created franchises in 7 U.S. cities that all went on to fold or relocate within two years. Ultimately, there was little to no interest in the Canadian game below the border, which means that for the time being you American readers will have to venture up north to watch white people play cornerback and return punts professionally.

Think Before You Fuck With Little Skateboard P
DG

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Call Me and i will be ur bestest friend, but only in the designated timeslots, otherwise dont bother

oook so heres the deal im down to 15 course hours not counting aps which dont count for insurance and being a full time student. and i if i miss one more history class i get an f and that would just be bad. its at 8 which is hard for me to be awake for and i always sleep through my alarm.. sooo if you would please call me between 7-8 here which is like 8-9 east coast time.. actually its exactly 8-9 east coast time.. i really dont wanna fail my best subjest cause i cant wake up so call me if u can or text the more my phone makes noise the better tuesday and thursday... the T days! its easy to remember!

thanks!

im 7039800571! FYI!

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

almost famous

i hadnt seen it before its good though, hes like 10 years younger than kate hudson thoough

A-

bioshock-

my roommate has it and it just creeps me out, that might be why im awake-

d-

My History class attendence policy- if i miss one more class this semester i get an f soooo

F

My Bio Class grade projection- yesterday I learned that the other phase of matter is gas! sooo

A eh maybe b+

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Mi Manifesto

ok so most of the things on this blog are meant to entertain buut its 5 o clock and i cant think of anything funny and i would like to have an account of my beliefs at 18.

most importantly- we have such a short time in life.. im almost 19 my lifes hopefully about a 1/5 over.. if i were to die tomorrow what has been most important to me has been my relationships with the people i love not what kind of car i drive or how good i am at algebra.. we are all dangling off the cliff holding onto the branch, death is imminent so enjoy the strawberry

I dont understand people, how can someone die for something they know nothing about. Religion is literally the stupidest thing ever.. Greek mythology was disproved because people could climb to the top of mount olympus of discover that the gods were shockingly absent, the only reason the major faiths of the modern world survive and thrive is because the location of god/gods is never really pinpointed. Religion was meant to explain the unexplainable in the ancient times, now those things can be explained by science but people cling to whats easier. Heaven seems like a nicer place to be after death than in the ground i suppose.. but this idea of heaven is one of the biggest problems with humanity. A lot of people dont live for life but live so they can live in an afterlife, but theres obviously no heaven.. i wish there was but if theres no heaven for single cell organism's that we evolved from im pretty sure theres no heaven for us.

haha i sound like such a preachy asshole, you dont have to read all this i just wanna see if ill feel the same way when im older

Government- theres nothing i hate more than government.. isnt it weird that the united states has a system of government that no citizens get what they want.. who the fuck wants to live somewhere where noone gets what they want. This is not the land of the free, if it were the land of the free i would be able to smoke weed without being scared to get my probation taken away. The only thing the government should have power to do is build and maintain infrastructure and protect the safety of its citizens.. i do not wish to be protected from myself i can make my own fucking decisions about whether i would like to use drugs or wear a seat belt or even torture and kill my dog (i dont have a dog and i think its sick but i dont think its the governments problem). I think that citizens should be able to do whatever they want as long as they dont intrude on the freedom and liberty of others.

the police- you fucking assholes your badge says protect and serve. not set up a roadblock outside an aquarium so you can write tickets for nothing. who the fuck are you protecting and serving other than yourselves you d-bags. cops are just assholes who want a job where they can be in a position of complete power with no overhead whatsoever. They also hit on your teenage girlfriend and try to convince her to "lose the kid and be with a real man". I was watching cops a few days ago and the assholes set up a drug "sting" in a very poor area. They had people on the corner selling like 20 bucks worth of weed and went up to people in cars and asked if they wanted to buy it. if they said yes they went to jail had there care repossessed by the government. should this really happen?

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

oh word?

lesbian softcore porn is the worst thing on tv, its soo stupid and boring and i just hate it. id rather watch the home shopping thing. does that make me gay? not that theres anything wrong with that

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Kingsly

whats you penis' name? mine my friends, is Kingsly.

just let me live

Why is what I do so important? Why must I always be the focal point of attention? Let me just be. Let me live

Monday, August 27, 2007

new nickname/future plans

my new nickname is The God of HELLFIRE Baron of Unthinkable Horrors. once this nickname sticks im thinking about running for dictator of the world. vote for me

im also thinking about going by just "The Baron" and open up like a used car dealership

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Introducing Canadian Correspondent David Gold

Loyal Following,

Since BeerMeThatBlog has outgrown its domestic audience, Mr. Prillaman has enlisted my help to keep a finger on the pulse of his Canadian followers. From now on, I will periodically update the site's audience on happenings north of the border. The Canadian sun started to fade around 19h 30min (7:30 P.M. US) and as I type this at 23h 18min (11:18 P.M. US), Canada is pitch black. Outdoors, sight is extremely compromised. Stay tuned for updates.

Keep your head up; crying is for fat people
DG

africa and bugs

its really weird that out of all the great nba players the one from africa is steve nash.

i was taking a shower earlier and i had shampoo in my hand ready to wash my hair and a big bug fell into my hand.

ole miss thats strike 1

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

pierre

i heard pierres going to college outside the country.. but if he tries to come back, wellll all i can say is dont get in a fight with me cause when shit goes down i dont back down till its finished

issues with television in oxford

the last four programs on fox have been girlfriends, bernie mac, and those other two shows with the same cast from girlfriends. you know those shows with that security guard from the drew carey show.

i dont really understand, oxford is like 90 percent white. but i do understand black culture now so thats positive

Now that im a college boy

everyone who i ever knew before i went to school last saturday is now officially dead to me. except my cat. tiger i love you.

I thought highschool was fun until i grew up last saturday. everyone here is so sophisticated, i mean i drink lattes now, with scones if im in the mood. i bet your all drinking soda and eating normal food you towny assholes.


rest in peace eddie griffin

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

my god thats an unfortunate looking "first child"



anything that created that little girl should not only be forced out the race, but replaced by a sexier "concubine" more daring with the clevage AND with nicer cans, this woman surely produces less ogresque offspring.
im not trying to be sexist im just saying bill is a handsome man, he could not have a hand in this things creation
as always bros before hoes. PEACE

Saturday, June 23, 2007

allen thicke

the allen thicke comercial for that hotel in las vegas is the funniest thing ever. why does he stand in the middle of the giant pool with all his clothes on?

what happened to you allen, you used to be on growing pains.

speaking of growing pains kirk cameron is insane. theres too much to say.. just go to wayofthe master.com

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

yellow and green are the same

my biggest issue with ultrazone was that the yellow and green team colors were too similar. it was impossible to tell who was who. when im storming a base in laser tag id like to be able to tell friend from foe.

ps. its been awhile, but i still remember just the way you taste.

Saturday, June 9, 2007

popeyes

a while again i was going to lunch. my mom called me and asked where i was going and i said popeyes. she said "oh, with one of your black friends"

oh to be southern

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

HURRY!

QUICK! a classic episode from season 3 of YO Momma is free on itunes! heres the description

The battle between College Park and Union City heats up as Rob and Ritz step up and prove they're the best of their hoods at dishing the dirt. With Wilmer's help, they load up on ammo, then head to the final battle, armed and ready for the fight.

Go Union City, i heard all the mommas from college park were so fat that something amusing happened to them.

Friday, June 1, 2007

language award?

I heard Pierre won some sort of gds academic award.. language maybe? well anyway this minor feat has inflated his already enormous ego to an unbearable level, we get it your not from america.. the only language us americans need is english and less frequently spanish and in some "hoods" ebonics... just get over yourself pierre.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Peeing on Cars

A few days ago i was outside my house and i had to piss so i decided to do so on my neighbors minivan. i dunno why. teenage angst perhaps? it was like 1 in the morning so i assumed everyone was asleep. halfway through the light turns on the door opens and five people are staring at me. two scared parents and three scared children including one with down syndrome. not that his condition makes the situation much different, im just trying to paint a picture. i hear the mom yell "CALL THE COPS hes stealing the car"

it was an interesting situation. i had to put my thing back in my pants in a way that made it seem as if it had never been out in the first place. i was definetly succesful maybe.

i convinced her i wasnt trying to steal her shitty old minivan. i told her i lived across the street and that my parents had waaay nicer cars than her old, crappy, grey, presumably smelly minivan so theres no chance i would ever steal it. especially after i pissed on it. she wasnt pleased.

Wachowski brothers.


this is nothing against transexual people. i just find it strange that the wachowski brothers (of matrix fame) are no longer the wachowski brothers. larry is now lana so i guess their the wachowski siblings? i think andy's wachowski's (on the right... dressed as a man.. still with a penis.) face says it all.

not that theres anything wrong with that.

Friday, May 25, 2007

music that im ROCKING to right nowish



CHAPTER 1 PART 1 SCENE 1 Page 1

Citizens of tomorrow- Tokyo Police Club
The Heretic- the sound of animals fighting
Girls- death in vegas
karma police- easy star all stars
the angry mob- kaiser cheifs
broaden a new sound- nobody and the mystic chords of memory
du og meg- of montreal
invisible seas- panacea
growin old- pigeon john
only for the night- rx bandits
the hardest way to make an easy living- the streets
Shutup I am dreaming of a place where lovers have wings- sunset rubdown
all fires- swan lake
rocketship- one be lo
life on mars- Seu Jorge
box- tokyo police club
a lesson in crime- tokyo police club
reality check- binary star
torn- natalie imbruglia (duh)


that guy with glasses LOVES IT! me and him are ROCKING against the system!

crying.


i went to see spiderman 3 with ethan yesterday. it wasnt a good movie. the only good part is when peter parker got emo-ey and told eric foreman "brah youre some trash" the real story is that ethan said. and i quote "if kirsten dunst cries im gonna cry, seriously" he was serious. im not sure if im gonna be able to go to another movie with him.



the last movie i went to with him was wildhogs, he didnt cry or even talk about crying. it was a better time, and now... everything has changed.

wildhogs did have ooone funny line :

Dudley Frank: [upon seeing Maggie] She's perfect for me. I wanted to say something funny, but all I could think of was black jokes.

everything else was just John Travolta awkwardly making gay jokes..

WH Grade: D-

Monday, May 21, 2007

balaclava


i think im gonna start wearing a balaclava every single day. 24/7. thoughts?

oh alice.

Souperstar59 (9:21:34 PM): b+?
Souperstar59 (9:21:38 PM): i'd give him more of a B personally
Souperstar59 (9:21:41 PM): hes kind of a hater

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Reviews of things

Night at the Musuem DVD-

Ben made me see this with him one night. maybe there will be some wacky special features
but the best part by far was when Joana the junior fell down in the theater looking at me and ben. if theres a video of that on the dvd i recommend purchasing it.

movie- F. (if joanas in it falling down it goes up to at least a B+) i wouldn't recommend watching the actual movie. its the opposite of funny... its... its.. wood.

Boy Meets World- not anything specific. just the show in general. could Shawn BE anymore of a troubled teen. i sincerely doubt it.

BMW- A+

My little sister driving me to school- D-

Harold's History of the Civil War Class for Students attending southern colleges- i dunno yet. ill get back to you.

Lost's whatever season this is- it totally sucks now. when they did the thing where they looked down the hatch into mystery itself basically, that was one of my favorite moments in television. BUT the whole point of the show was the mystery of the others and it turns out the others are just lame.

Lost- C-

The Black Donnelys- im pretty sure its cancelled cause i have to watch all the episodes on nbc.com BUT its my favorite show ever. Olivia wildes in it soo it just had to be cancelled, shes death to network tv shows. she should do porn or something?

The Black Donnelys- A
Future Porn with Olivia Wilde- B+

Canada- Canadas hardly a real country and that war in the south park movie still makes me mad. the us would never ever lose. if grenada fought a war with canada if someone gave me 2.5-1 odds id take grenada (kinda like how i took De La Hoya) im pretty sure Canada doesnt have a real army. just mountys.

Canada- D-

Mickey Wiener- hes getting ass.. just try distracting him in beer pong girls. just try. mickey welcomes foolhardy distraction attempts.

Mickey- B+

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Falklands

hey Pierre!! you know what the national anthem of the falkland islands is? God Save the queen. you guys are just never gonna get those back. start another war? thatd be kinda funny.

thats right Pierre.. God Save the Queen.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

"get a girlfriend.." says the homeless guy

this homeless guy came up to ethan and i during a lunch date at 4912 today. he was a nice guy we talked a little bit about this and that, then he moved on to some hard hitting questions. he asked my half asian friend ethan if he had a girlfriend. of course ethan price "in it only for the chase" chu said no, no i do not have a girlfriend. the man chuckled then went on to pat ethan on the back and said "get a girlfriend so she can ruin your life" then he was off.

so a warning to all you guys out there (and lesbians, or whatever other glbtq thing applies). a girlfriend= ruined life (according to the mentally unstable homeless guy. who, to me at least, would seem like a reliable source on the topic of a "ruined" life)

cellphone bathroom pictures

you know how some guys like to take pictures of themselves without shirts on with their cellphone camera in their bathroom, with that kinda hard look on their face. i dont really understand it.

ps. im not racist.

im from buenos aires and i say...

Commisisioner David Stern has declared war on the interest of the fans: the "mongols" of our age. Stern went onto say “the nba office is determined to force the Mongols of our age to commit suicide at its gates"

Sterns only problem is that noone else has as hard of time understanding why he wants to alienate the people who make the league possible. in his quest to drive as many people away from the sport as possible, stern finds himself persecuted and alone. much like jesus perhaps? Stern like Jesus finds his greatest supporter is up above. Sterns greatest ally. you it guessed. Allah. stern claims that “Allah is on our side. That is why we will beat the aggressor.”

Later Stern compared his war with fun in the nba to the current stupid war the U.S. is losing in iraq “Remember the valiant Iraqi peasant and how he shot down an American Apache with an old weapon." To me that helicopter is whats great about the nba. its all big and cool and expensive and flashy, and it flys sometimes. stern noticed that the audience finally was getting over the horros at aubrun hills a few years ago. and that just wasnt gonna work for mr. stern.

Stern later said that if the supporters of this helicopter (the former fans of the nba) wanted him fired "he would bring his own fucking rope" his war/hanging himself comments were strange and rambling, as if he had been living in a hole in the ground for the last 6 months. well anyway

i agree with stern. those middle class asshole fans are the true mongols of our age, and steve nash is genghis, (i call kublah) there just jackasses. viva David Stern, who cares what the public wants.

if the spurs it all they should send mr. stern a ring. actually he needs a uniform and a hat, something a litttlle newer and a little more sinister. the hats fine though its sinister enough and kinda vintage.

manu hates the fans too

IM FROM BEUNOS AIRES AND I SAY FUCK EM ALL (the fans)!!!!! -manu ginobli

(starship troopers anyone?) slash its 454 sooo im going to sleep

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

comedy genre?

i just saw theres gonna be a tyler perry show on fx this summer. why is black men pretending to be fat older black women a fairly popular genre of comedy. its pretty silly and not in the least bit amusing.

big mammas house 1 and 2
norbit
all that tyler perry stuff

if it was ever funny, it certainly isnt anymore.

happy birthday!


happy late birthday dickSON or DICKson (i dunno which is funnier, prolly the 2nd..)
ps. birthdays are really symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little weve grown, no matter how desperate we are that another self will emerge with each flicker of the candles on the cake we know its not to be, that for the rest of our sad wretched pathetic lives this is who we are to the bitter end... happy birthday... no such thing

Dear Peter Branch,

steve broys daughter speaks for every student at gds. if it were appropriate i would have cried all the way through his rendition of how the grinch stole christmas too. stop reading the middle school kids harry potter at the beginning of every school year. noone thinks its cute, you just embarrass everyone. your not our grandfather or even a cute old misguided but well intentioned man. i beg of you, please. stop reading us books. please. noone enjoys it or you.
This is Pierre. he is my arch nemesis.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

driving cars in parking lots

theres nothing i hate more than people driving cars fast in parking lots. we fucking get it. youre driving, were not at this moment. just fucking shut up JERK.

Swish! first post by dickson

It’s my inaugural blog entry! Today me and prill went to Barney’s and it was FABULOUS. I think we may go back next week, it depends on whether the employees call us (we left our math, no big). The highlight of the trip was when this guy left the parking lot driving really fast, like “sccrreeeech” (surely more on this later from Zach!...dont fret). T-mes has been wearing lots of under armour lately, I’m not sure why. I think it might be because he likes lacrosse now? He’s a wildcard, so you never know. He laughs at the pain of others. Don’t worry, this is just the first of many posts still to come. On one final note, Mark Schlereth is the man, see for yourself at www.markschlereth.com. Please don’t comment on this post, all comments will just be deleted.

Monday, May 14, 2007

vassar!?!?!

i just heard joe bubars going to vassar. sorry joe...

hbfe

by the way hbfe means hot baja fresh employee. i forgot most of my many readers arnt "chill"

hbfe update/classic t-mes

the HBFE at baja only made me pay 22 dollars instead of 32 for my meal. the hbfe's WANT me.

ALSO temesgan won the cohen family "never have i ever game" at dinner tonight. he hasnt done a lot...

Yo temesgan whats going on? "everything going on, meat going on, patato going on" CLASSIC T-mes

Spider Man Review

I havnt seen it yet.. but i heard it sucks. eric foreman is in it though which is a plus.

Movie: D-
Choice of Eric out of other possible that 70's show characters: A-
Final Grade: C-/C

if confused

my blogs on anadyr summer time. for one simple reason. a very wise man once told me that "for relaxing times make it Anadyr Summer Time" boy did i listen. i dunno if its the drugs or the time. but i feel like Holly Johnson would be proud of my current mood. i hope its rubbing off on all yall.


this didnt end up being as good as i had hoped. thats what she said. zing.

US LAWS=I dont like them

I hate the government. so much. it prolly has a lot to do with the fact that im not allowed in any car for another 18 days and still have another 5 months of court ordered probation after that. but the government isnt all bad, you can still beat your wife in Arkansas and have sex with small animals in west Virginia! here are some of my faves..

In Connecticut you may be stopped for biking 65 miles an hour... im pretty sure thats impossible. even for me. maybe chuck norris?

in Califronia not only is "sunshine guaranteed to the masses" (just in san francisco?) but animals are banned from "mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship." nothings better than watching two squirrels doing it during math class, i feel so bad for kids from cali. they can take their sunshine, ill take my squirrel sex.

Another strange law is that women are "not to drive in a house coat". for me the question is: why let them drive regardless of whether they chose to don a house coat after making some meal or cleaning something. interesting decision.

Im going to Ole Mississippi next year. So i thought id see what i should do to avoid breaking my probation and landing in the "slammer". it turns out it is illegal to teach someone what polygamy is. Now i dont know what i'll with myself on saturday nights my polygamy class has become a huge part of my life.

"A man may not seduce a woman by lying, and claiming he will marry her." SHIT. THATS MY MOVE! ahhh caps and italics!

holy shit sun of a bitch. its illegal for a male to be sexually aroused or to swear in public. fuck.



No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display, or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored; nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits; nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two (2) months of age in any quantity less than six (6), except that any rabbit weighing three (3) pounds or more may be sold at an age of six (6) weeks. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than $500.

just read that. basically One may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once. this law was enacted the same year as the civil rights acts.

In Utah it is "It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon." Dont you even fucking think about you terrorist assholes, its a minimum 500 dollar fine. seriously. actually blow up utah, i dont think anyone would mind.

and finally West Virginia should be removed from the Union.

Roadkill may be taken home for supper.
In order to clean up roads not regularly maintained by the Department of Transportation, this law was passed. Not only did this law assuage the cravings of adventurours individuals looking for free meat, it lowered the cost of road maintenance as well.

Bravo department of transportation. BRAVO.

It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs.

i guess they decided man on small dog or cat sex was more lawful than premarital sex. that makes sense. small dog sex is wild.

that is all.

Blogs are so lame

You know, these blogs are kinda dumb. Everyone and his half-twin has one these days and they are kinda getting lame. I kinda hate that people think blogs are "journalism" too. I kinda hate that everyone has an opinion about everything too. I think if I read mine I'd think I'm a dork.

-mike

blogs are only lame when they are from either people you dont know, people you dont like, people who are actually lame or people who dont know how to use "your/you're" properly... none of which applies hear ;)

-some bitch ;)

Anonymous said... blogs are forpeople who think they're funny (but aren't), they're just lame

yeah well. i made one anyway.

ps. my room couldnt smell more like weed.

PEACE!