To Whom It May Concern,
The American football season may have kicked off in grand fashion today, but the Canadian Football League has been in action since late June. Some of the noticeable differences between the American and Canadian games are that, in the case of Canadian football, each team uses 12 players at a time, the field is 110 yards long, there are only 3 downs, and nobody cares (the CFL championship, or Grey Cup, attracts about 4 million viewers a year; by contrast, the last season premiere of The View attracted 3.4 million, no bullshit). Americans may remember the CFL from the "CFL USA" era of the mid-1990's, when the CFL created franchises in 7 U.S. cities that all went on to fold or relocate within two years. Ultimately, there was little to no interest in the Canadian game below the border, which means that for the time being you American readers will have to venture up north to watch white people play cornerback and return punts professionally.
Think Before You Fuck With Little Skateboard P