America's Declining Rust Belt Cities. Spotlight On: Cleveland

A lot of people like to talk about how Cleveland is little more than a dilapidated experiment in white flight and failed urban renewal, but I decided to give the “mistake by the lake” a chance. I read this piece from a local Clevelander about the “top 10 things to do in Cleveland before you die”: http://meyerweb.com/eric/thoughts/2004/09/14/ten-things-to-do-in-cleveland-before-youre-dead/

At first the list seemed simple enough, but then I realized that the list must have been a cleverly veiled challenge when I saw that I would DEFINITELY kill myself before reaching task 5 (a thrilling Saturday morning buying fruits and vegetables at the West Side Market!). A mainstay in Forbes’ top 10 worst sports cities list, Cleveland’s sports teams, despite hundreds of millions of dollars in Cleveland tax dollars toward new stadiums for the flailing clubs, are perpetually awful. I’m not attacking the failing sports teams so much, but the hundreds of millions of dollars thrown down the drain is CLASSIC Cleveland. As far as listless, gray, depressing rust belt cities go, Cleveland’s the pick! Throw in infrastructure that seems like it was drawn by a young Clevelander on the back of their Applebee’s kids menu with a crayon and weather that seems to be intentionally designed to force Cleveland’s hideous population to cover as much of themselves as possible and what you have, ladies and gentlemen, is America’s worst city.

Won't catch me in vans cuz they look like slippers, pimpin'.
-DTC

Window into the Magnolia State

pretty dark outside resulting in limited visibility. my window is stuck and will not open. that mixed with a lack of expertise results in uncertain humidity and temperature measures.

porn in the truck?

I was driving back from history earlierrr tonight when i saw something pretty peculiar. some hardcore interacial porn on 4 tv's in the truck in front of me. I dont really have a joke to make. I just thought it was pretty strange.

Tuffets Pouffes or Hassocks?

The EU decided today that to remove the PKK a Kurdish terrorist organization from its blacklist, thus unfreezing its european bank accounts. The Court of justice made a "procedural" decision to unfreeze the accounts because it had failed to warn the PKK beforehand. Basically the EU just funded the PKK's war with Turkey. I am obvioulsy not a fan of turks. I dont really think anyone is outside of anatolia is. BUT The PKK needs to chill, turkey isnt big on minorities (see armenian genocide) and arming the PKK is just giving those damned turks an excuse for some more ethnic cleansing.

lastly fuck ottomans. for now on im gonna call the stools either Tuffets, pouffes or hassocks. prolly pouffes.

THE WARPATH (Im Hoping a War of Words Ensues)

Ok im back. and on THE WAR PATH (above)

A rival blog recently emerged http://azeldin.blogspot.com/.

there are so many things i wanna talk about in Zeld in DA HOUSE!! or whatever its called. kiinda like Zach! (to the extreme) maybe? maybe not. im not faulting that really. just everything else.

First of all lets just look at his public display of affection post, where he lets what is acceptable for the public and what is not.

Example One
Sharing a sandwich ACCEPTABLE!
Example Two
Sharing a sandwich on rye bread NOT ACCEPTABLE!
Example Three
Talking in French and/or Portuguese NOT ACCEPTABLE!
Example Four
Complimenting a loved one's stylish pair of pants ACCEPTABLE!
Example Five
Discussing federal spending ACCEPTABLE!

ok so thats the first 5. if its not funny after 5 i dont see why discussing 15 more examples is a good idea.

Ok moving on. lets looks at his thoughts on the navy's best recruitment. i dont feel like copying and pasting the cartoon so just look at it yourself. but basically he doesnt understand why anyone would join the navy just because theyll pay for college.

i dont see what the joke or confusion is. but thats actually exactly why kids join the navy. my cousin is getting out of the navy after a few years of duty later this year. guess why he joined? hes gonna be able to attend college! youre right alex hes a moron for falling for that recruitment strategy.

Do you think kids that can't afford college should just mow lawns?


March Madness? More Like March Sadness.

We have reached the final four and what was predicted by myself to be a perfect bracket has fallen considerably short. In fact, I was so confident my bracket would be perfect that I entered it on yahoo for a chance to win 5,000,000 dollars! Of the million entries, I am ranked in the 12th percentile, meaning 88% of all brackets are better than mine. If this were the SAT, I would get a 760 out of 1600. That would qualify me as being mentally retarded. This truely is March Sadness.

I dont even know what to say. The title is hilariously stupid. hes about as bad at predicting the ncaa tournament as he is entertaining the reader.


ok now just read this

Telemarketer

So a telemarketer called my house yesterday. Usually they ask to speak to my father but instead he asked to speak to Alexander (that's me).
"This is he," I answered.
"Hello Alexander how are you?"
"Rather good and yourself?"
"Good good. Alexander I see that you currently are paying a 6% mortgage on your house, is this correct?"
"No its not seeing as how i don't own a house."

He hung up.

i didnt get it at first. i thought I was missing the joke. then I realized the joke was that the telemarketer thought that he alex was the homeowner instead of his father (who the telemarketers normally call and the true homeowner).

I think the best part is when the telemarketer hangs up!


lastly, THANK GOD someone finally exposed fox programming. Ive never heard a kid at a liberal school like gds tear the fox network apart like that. before this the networks absurd programming was largely ignored. you have opened our eyes.


Lastly he has a hot or not application on his facebook page. (I had to go there to see his blog) next time your checking when his next blog update will be, be generous feel free to give him a 4-6.

Knowledge is POWER

In the bandana code of the gay leather subculture, wearing a white bandana means one is into mutual masturbation.

Magenta Bandana means one is into armpits. yes armpits.

The movies that make a trip to Northern Africa worth taking

Cry Wolf

Top-shelf psychological thriller featuring Jon Bon Jovi in the role he was born to play. Jovi (a long-haired boarding-school teacher whose cool-factor is paired irresistibly with a heart of gold) competes with bad-boy brit played by Julian Morris (picture Daniel Radcliffe with even MORE raw sex appeal) for the affections of reasonably (and attainably!) attractive red-head. The kids are mean to each other, Jovi follows no ones rules but his own, hilarity and suspense ensue.

Cry Wolf- B
Jovi- A
psychological thrillers on the whole- A+

High School Musical 2

uncomfortable. stop it.

HSM2- D
HSM3 provided that it features some sort of 'tragic' accident that costs corbon blue and zac efron their lives- A-

Pizza My Heart

An isntant made-for-tv classic, Pizza my heart is both gripping and insightful. The epic battle for pizza supremacy in a small New Jersey neighborhood being waged between the Prestolanis and the Montabellos heats up when Joe Montabello and Gina Prestolani slide a fresh pie (their budding romantic relationship) into the oven. To complicate matters, only one of the small pizza joints can become a chain! Will the famous Montabello sauce or the epic Prestolani cheese win the contract?! warning- don't watch on an empty stomach!!
sidenote- theres also a restaurant called pizza my heart...but which came first the movie or the real life restaurant? the chicken or the egg?

pizza my heart- B-
the restaurant called pizza my heart- ?
chicken or the egg scenarios- A-

The Contract

John Cusack and Morgan Freeman hit a collective home run with this action-packed seemingly-made-for-flights-across-the-atlantic thrill ride. Picture shawshank redemption meets must love dogs meets pure, unadulterated excitement. fasten your seatbelts, bitches.

John Cusack- Best actor of all time, standing A+ for life
Morgan Freeman- B, B+ depending on his performance in 'the bucket list'
flights across the atlantic- C

-Dickson Thomas, don't sass me for doin' it.

prison break: breaking out of prison again?

i just saw an advert for the new season of prison break. How many times have they broken out of prison? judging by the previews it feels like at least 15. with the name prison break i guess the storylines are limited by the premise.

my brain is a shovel, and I will continue to dig- ZP

temperature concerns

It is literally -600 degrees Fahrenheit in my basement right now. I know that seems rather unlikley and pretty outlandish, but at the same time im pretty good at guessing temperatures.

Im sorry i havnt been posting that often, I forgot my usernaame and password for a while.

Jolean Lescott Looks like a Monster

sorry

sorry i havnt been posting on the regular but ive been pretty busy. I was thinking about ordering bussiness cards. The cards come in packages of a 1000. Im thinking im gonna get 1. 2000 seems like a lot of cards.

"That's impossible! Even for a computer!"

Canadian Correspondent David Gold

Well, I'm finally coming back to the first world in two days, and it's about goddamned time. Canada has certainly been an interesting place, but I would have a hard time recommending prolonged exposure to it to all but the bravest of individuals. Recently, Canada has seen the onset of snow, which appears to be the national precipitate. I have seen accumulation of 6 or 7 inches in one night, although since it gets dark at 4:30 the night does get some bonus time to work with. Either way, Canadians don't appear to realize that snow is dangerous and is likely punishment for their sinful pacifist ways. I went to a bartending class and the instructor told us that Clamato juice was a Canadian invention. Apparently only a Canadian would dare mix clam broth and tomato juice (and I really have to ask, Why? Why would you do that and be proud of it?). I told her that America invented the light bulb, but she didn't seem interested.

Don't look at Quincy Jones. Quincy Jones ain't gonna help you.
--DG

Republicans

I just saw Mike Huckabee's leading in the republican polls. Seriously. If he wins the nomination the gop will win utah and thats it. I dont understand why they want a candidate who is not even close to viable nationally. I guess they just really are stupid.

Reading

Theres a billboard just off campus in Oxford that reads

MISSISSIPPI with effective leadership our children could read.

Canadian Correspondent David Gold - Spotlight On: Celine Dion

Listen Bitches,

I know I haven't posted in a while but I have good reasons: 1. My life has become a never-ending cycle of cheap heroin and cheaper Malaysian hookers 2. This country is uneventful. I am becoming increasingly aware that Celine Dion is balls-to-walls huge up here for some reason. In Quebec she's like Kanye times Mohammed plus Madonna to the power of Jesus Christ. In my 25-person French class, my professor went around the room and had everyone say one sentence about Celine. When we ran out of information, any positive statement was accepted as fact. My professor was also inordinately proud of the fact that she shares a birthday with Celine's son, and told us that when friends call her to wish her a happy birthday they make sure to remind her how important that day is to all of them. My class also learned, without asking, that Celine's pregnancy was made possible by in vitro fertilization. I'm sure this will all come in handy sometime down the road.

You wanna get that paper, you better start baking
--DG

Dear America,

there has been a lot of clamoring for me to run as the president of the united states. I am extremely flattered but i would like to inform you all that I will not run in 2008. Not only have I had trouble raising money, but I think that it is unconstitutional for me to run in 2008, if this is true i call it unfair. I had some great ideas:

1. the whole china rant from a few minutes ago
2. free sweaters for all
3. livestock and potatoes will count as 3/5 of a man in the 2010 census, thus escalating Wyoming and Idaho into POWERHOUSES for the 2012 election
4. legalize it!
5. Did you know Wednesday is named for the Norse God Odin? Wēdnes dæg is like the Old Norse Oðinsdagr ("Odin's day"), which is an early translation of the Latin dies Mercurii ("Mercury's day"). Though Mercury (the messenger of the gods) and Woden (the king of the Germanic gods) are not equivalent in most regards.
6. Wednesday will now be called Freedomday of Liberty anyone worshipping the false idol of Odin shall be forced to live in Little Rock Arkansas

checkers

i propose that anyone caught playing chinese checkers should be put to death, also chinese food should be referred to as liberty food or freedom food. We need to stop these quasi-commy bastards while we still can

hot toothpaste

have you ever brushed ur teeth with reaaly hot toothpaste, its sooo not enjoyable and refreshing.

also special feature- A Window into the Magnolia State:

It is illegal to teach others what polygamy is.

A man may not seduce a woman by lying, and claiming he will marry her.

If one is a parent to two illegitimate children, that person will go to jail for at least one month.

Cattle rustling is punishable by hanging.

Vagrancy is punishable by either 30 days in prison or a $250 fine.

Unnatural intercourse, if both parties voluntarily participate, results in a maximum sentence of 10 years and $10,000.

It is illegal for a male to be sexually aroused in public.

hunan number 1

I went to a chinese buffet today and got macaroni and cheese. it was so bad. theres an indian place next door. Im thinking about going there for dinner, i hear they have good grits and biscuits..

Canadian Correspondent David Gold - Spotlight On: Sport

Apparently hockey season DID start recently. I want to apologize to everyone here that I so deeply offended when I wondered that aloud. You're right, I am the single dumbest person alive. Fuck you all. Keep praying there's ice in hell.

p.s. Go Caps

Spotlight On:

Myanmar Junta- those pricks are total assholes

sheets?

everyone in my dorm is wearing a sheet right now. there must have been a big kkk rally, which I hate by the way.

no wait turns out just a toga party.

a journey THROUGH TIME

on this date in 412 AD Theopolis Patriarch of Alexandria is born. Later in Life he dies.

long sleeve shirts for now on? maybe?

Greg Brighton (UIllinois) wrote at 8:17pm on October 12th, 2007
i gave the tattoo artist free range to put in the details and it came out amazing.

USSR

im kinda rooting for the reformation of the soviet union.. I miss the Russian accents in Bond Movies