Monday, May 14, 2007

US LAWS=I dont like them

I hate the government. so much. it prolly has a lot to do with the fact that im not allowed in any car for another 18 days and still have another 5 months of court ordered probation after that. but the government isnt all bad, you can still beat your wife in Arkansas and have sex with small animals in west Virginia! here are some of my faves..

In Connecticut you may be stopped for biking 65 miles an hour... im pretty sure thats impossible. even for me. maybe chuck norris?

in Califronia not only is "sunshine guaranteed to the masses" (just in san francisco?) but animals are banned from "mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship." nothings better than watching two squirrels doing it during math class, i feel so bad for kids from cali. they can take their sunshine, ill take my squirrel sex.

Another strange law is that women are "not to drive in a house coat". for me the question is: why let them drive regardless of whether they chose to don a house coat after making some meal or cleaning something. interesting decision.

Im going to Ole Mississippi next year. So i thought id see what i should do to avoid breaking my probation and landing in the "slammer". it turns out it is illegal to teach someone what polygamy is. Now i dont know what i'll with myself on saturday nights my polygamy class has become a huge part of my life.

"A man may not seduce a woman by lying, and claiming he will marry her." SHIT. THATS MY MOVE! ahhh caps and italics!

holy shit sun of a bitch. its illegal for a male to be sexually aroused or to swear in public. fuck.

No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display, or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored; nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits; nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two (2) months of age in any quantity less than six (6), except that any rabbit weighing three (3) pounds or more may be sold at an age of six (6) weeks. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than $500.

just read that. basically One may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once. this law was enacted the same year as the civil rights acts.

In Utah it is "It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon." Dont you even fucking think about you terrorist assholes, its a minimum 500 dollar fine. seriously. actually blow up utah, i dont think anyone would mind.

and finally West Virginia should be removed from the Union.

Roadkill may be taken home for supper.
In order to clean up roads not regularly maintained by the Department of Transportation, this law was passed. Not only did this law assuage the cravings of adventurours individuals looking for free meat, it lowered the cost of road maintenance as well.

Bravo department of transportation. BRAVO.

It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs.

i guess they decided man on small dog or cat sex was more lawful than premarital sex. that makes sense. small dog sex is wild.

that is all.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

urrrrrrrrrr funnay!