Canadian Correspondent David Gold - Spotlight On: Economy

This actually happened a couple of weeks ago, but if you rely on Beer Me That Blog as a news source you should seriously re-evaluate your life. Anyway, the Canadian dollar, which was equal to 63 American cents as recently as 2002, is now worth more than its American counterpart (1 Canadian to 1.02 U.S., as of right NOW, when I wrote the "NOW", the first one). What does this mean? AMERICANS ARE FUCKED, some like myself harder and more graphically. The American dollar is slowly falling, but this newfound parity can be attributed primarily to the oil-driven economic boom currently occuring in Canada. It has recently become beneficial to extract oil from the massive Alberta oil sands, the largest proven oil reserve outside Saudi Arabia. According to my Canadian sources, Alberta still "blows mad cock", but the Canadian economy is reaping the benefits. I recently told Shawn from Vancouver (name changed, from Sam, to preserve anonymity) that it was just a matter of time before the U.S. military invasion, to which he responded, with dead-ass seriosity, "That's the doomsday scenario everyone talks about." I found that hilarious, but I'd probably be worried too if my military was outnumbered by the employees of Disneyworld (real talk).

They thought it was a record, they ain't know it was me
--DG

Free if you want!

go to http://www.inrainbows.com/ and get the new radiohead cd. pay as much as you want, itss fantastic

english

in my english 101 class a few hours ago we went to my teachers house a few miles off campus. Once we got there we sat on her front porch and talked about her ex-husbands while some of my fellow students smoked cigarettes, i just sat and nodded and said things like "is that right" and "Really?" then we talked about the movie we had to watch instead of coming to class the next 1o days. there were also nachos and soda.

best class ever

My girlfriends cantilever

A WIndow into the Magnolia State

Mississippians love soda. its a fact. There always drinking it here, apparently they love the sweet taste!

residents of the Magnolia state also seem to enjoy wearing sunglasses. I asked a kid in my dorm "why the sunglasses all the time" he said " i unno its sunny out"

what a crazy crazy place

Blacklisted

This is my "blacklist" of people places and things that we should we should keep our eyes on

1. The state of Arkansas
2. Wolverines (there big weasels... i just dont trust them)
3. Albanians
4. Pierre Morisset
5. Youth "Culture"
6. Countdown shows on E
7. Cheerleaders with conservative outfits
8. The Goddamn liberal media
9. Girls that just wanna be friends
10. People that speak a "language" other than english
11. People who think living at school is exciting and fun

whats the etiquette on that?

im gonna do this segment on the regular cause i dont really know how to be a fuctioning member of socierty. first issue: my roommate has red hair, i dunno what that means for me. What colors should i stay away from? I have a red hat, i am allowed to wear that? I also dunno about orange? should i go heavy blue (reds greatest enemy) and lastly can i eat strawberrys? id love some feedback

also my ra just came in my room and asked if it was my chair in the hallway.. i said no.

BUT IT WAS my chair, FUCK YOU authority!

also

also the animorphs series was filmed by our neighbors that eat tacos only sometimes.. iceman was the main character, i hated those Yeerks! he loved his mom but she just wasnt his mom anymore. She had an alien in her brain! also iceman could turn or "morph" into animals..

for more info check out those booklists they gave us in 2nd and 3rd grade that also had hanson biographies

Canadian Correspondent David Gold - Spotlight On: Canadian Cinema

Listen Bitches,

While it may not have an outstanding track record in terms of actually producing commercial films (though Black Robe is my shit), Canada has made a significant impact in the movie industry by sneaking its homegrown actors into American films, right under Hollywood's nose. For instance, would you be surprised to know that four out of five actors in this list are Canadian?

Jim Carrey
Ryan Gosling
Ryan Reynolds
Mark Ruffalo
Kiefer Sutherland

If you said Kiefer was the American, you're DEAD WRONG. That distinction actually belongs to Mr. Ruffalo, aka Ted Stewart, Donna's love interest in a "View From the Top", which may be the most criminally underrated film of the past 10 years. Kiefer was actually born in England and raised primarily in Toronto, which really makes the anguished screams of every terrorist he chokes to death seem slightly forced and hollow. In addition, Keanu Reeves, Elisha Cuthbert, Jason Priestley, and Seth Rogen were all raised in the land of maple syrup. So the next time you're deciding which movie to rent, you may want to get the best of borth worlds by picking up A View From the Top, which combines the comedic talents of both Mark Ruffalo and Canadian Mike Myers in a layered story about what it means to find love as a flight attendant in contemporary times. Thank me later.

Keep it nappy or braided up
-DG

alltel

alltel or altell or whatever is trying to sell phones based on the idea that chad is cooler than the other four guys.. was that guy the coolest guy they could find? The only difference between him and the other guys is his hair is died blonde. i mean, i thought that was cool in 5th grade or 6th? i dont remember. they should have gotten somone who is actually cool.. like Samuel l Jackson or Lee Corso who may be the coolest man alive

About the poll...

Firstly, i'm appalled at these results. Secondly, who knew 13 people read this blog? NOT ME! Thirdly, why is it possible to change your vote? thats really not how polls work...you can't just change your vote, it makes the poll almost completely pointless. Weird.

-Dickson Thomas Cohen

trix

Trix come in balls now? what the fuck is that about.. the rabbit can just have them

Dead to me retraction

ok so first of all Tiger your not dead to me your very much alive

secondly zoe your still alive to me duhhh every though ur farr away, but theres trains and planes and cars, ill see you soon i looove u

and thirdly my family i guess, but no cousins, only the ones i have to love

New Style of Short Correspondent Dickson Cohen

I'm gonna wear sleeveless shirts all the time now...just to keep people on their toes. Plus if I meet someone whilst wearing a sleeveless tee and prove to be the least bit normal they'll be all "hey man, i thought you'd be weird based on your choice of shirt.". I also considered wearing replica NBA jerseys daily, but I fear that is too big an initial social setback to overcome.

oprah or a corpse?

guys would you rather do jessica alba 10 minutes after she was dead or oprah?


you sick fucks

also- food too salty or too sweet?

When I die

ok so when i die im gonna have a treasure map for everything in my will.. hopefully everyone will be sad when im dead but then theyll be like.. A Treausure map this is fucking awesome

Wing Fanatic

i just ordered wings and a deluxe burger no onions and they said itd be an hour and a half.. HOW THE FUCK IS THAT POSSIBLE.. its like 5 blocks away. F U mississippi f u

More from Canadian Correspondent David Gold

To Whom It May Concern,

The American football season may have kicked off in grand fashion today, but the Canadian Football League has been in action since late June. Some of the noticeable differences between the American and Canadian games are that, in the case of Canadian football, each team uses 12 players at a time, the field is 110 yards long, there are only 3 downs, and nobody cares (the CFL championship, or Grey Cup, attracts about 4 million viewers a year; by contrast, the last season premiere of The View attracted 3.4 million, no bullshit). Americans may remember the CFL from the "CFL USA" era of the mid-1990's, when the CFL created franchises in 7 U.S. cities that all went on to fold or relocate within two years. Ultimately, there was little to no interest in the Canadian game below the border, which means that for the time being you American readers will have to venture up north to watch white people play cornerback and return punts professionally.

Think Before You Fuck With Little Skateboard P
DG

Call Me and i will be ur bestest friend, but only in the designated timeslots, otherwise dont bother

oook so heres the deal im down to 15 course hours not counting aps which dont count for insurance and being a full time student. and i if i miss one more history class i get an f and that would just be bad. its at 8 which is hard for me to be awake for and i always sleep through my alarm.. sooo if you would please call me between 7-8 here which is like 8-9 east coast time.. actually its exactly 8-9 east coast time.. i really dont wanna fail my best subjest cause i cant wake up so call me if u can or text the more my phone makes noise the better tuesday and thursday... the T days! its easy to remember!

thanks!

im 7039800571! FYI!

almost famous

i hadnt seen it before its good though, hes like 10 years younger than kate hudson thoough

A-

bioshock-

my roommate has it and it just creeps me out, that might be why im awake-

d-

My History class attendence policy- if i miss one more class this semester i get an f soooo

F

My Bio Class grade projection- yesterday I learned that the other phase of matter is gas! sooo

A eh maybe b+

Mi Manifesto

ok so most of the things on this blog are meant to entertain buut its 5 o clock and i cant think of anything funny and i would like to have an account of my beliefs at 18.

most importantly- we have such a short time in life.. im almost 19 my lifes hopefully about a 1/5 over.. if i were to die tomorrow what has been most important to me has been my relationships with the people i love not what kind of car i drive or how good i am at algebra.. we are all dangling off the cliff holding onto the branch, death is imminent so enjoy the strawberry

I dont understand people, how can someone die for something they know nothing about. Religion is literally the stupidest thing ever.. Greek mythology was disproved because people could climb to the top of mount olympus of discover that the gods were shockingly absent, the only reason the major faiths of the modern world survive and thrive is because the location of god/gods is never really pinpointed. Religion was meant to explain the unexplainable in the ancient times, now those things can be explained by science but people cling to whats easier. Heaven seems like a nicer place to be after death than in the ground i suppose.. but this idea of heaven is one of the biggest problems with humanity. A lot of people dont live for life but live so they can live in an afterlife, but theres obviously no heaven.. i wish there was but if theres no heaven for single cell organism's that we evolved from im pretty sure theres no heaven for us.

haha i sound like such a preachy asshole, you dont have to read all this i just wanna see if ill feel the same way when im older

Government- theres nothing i hate more than government.. isnt it weird that the united states has a system of government that no citizens get what they want.. who the fuck wants to live somewhere where noone gets what they want. This is not the land of the free, if it were the land of the free i would be able to smoke weed without being scared to get my probation taken away. The only thing the government should have power to do is build and maintain infrastructure and protect the safety of its citizens.. i do not wish to be protected from myself i can make my own fucking decisions about whether i would like to use drugs or wear a seat belt or even torture and kill my dog (i dont have a dog and i think its sick but i dont think its the governments problem). I think that citizens should be able to do whatever they want as long as they dont intrude on the freedom and liberty of others.

the police- you fucking assholes your badge says protect and serve. not set up a roadblock outside an aquarium so you can write tickets for nothing. who the fuck are you protecting and serving other than yourselves you d-bags. cops are just assholes who want a job where they can be in a position of complete power with no overhead whatsoever. They also hit on your teenage girlfriend and try to convince her to "lose the kid and be with a real man". I was watching cops a few days ago and the assholes set up a drug "sting" in a very poor area. They had people on the corner selling like 20 bucks worth of weed and went up to people in cars and asked if they wanted to buy it. if they said yes they went to jail had there care repossessed by the government. should this really happen?

oh word?

lesbian softcore porn is the worst thing on tv, its soo stupid and boring and i just hate it. id rather watch the home shopping thing. does that make me gay? not that theres anything wrong with that

Kingsly

whats you penis' name? mine my friends, is Kingsly.

just let me live

Why is what I do so important? Why must I always be the focal point of attention? Let me just be. Let me live

new nickname/future plans

my new nickname is The God of HELLFIRE Baron of Unthinkable Horrors. once this nickname sticks im thinking about running for dictator of the world. vote for me

im also thinking about going by just "The Baron" and open up like a used car dealership