Reading

Theres a billboard just off campus in Oxford that reads

MISSISSIPPI with effective leadership our children could read.

Canadian Correspondent David Gold - Spotlight On: Celine Dion

Listen Bitches,

I know I haven't posted in a while but I have good reasons: 1. My life has become a never-ending cycle of cheap heroin and cheaper Malaysian hookers 2. This country is uneventful. I am becoming increasingly aware that Celine Dion is balls-to-walls huge up here for some reason. In Quebec she's like Kanye times Mohammed plus Madonna to the power of Jesus Christ. In my 25-person French class, my professor went around the room and had everyone say one sentence about Celine. When we ran out of information, any positive statement was accepted as fact. My professor was also inordinately proud of the fact that she shares a birthday with Celine's son, and told us that when friends call her to wish her a happy birthday they make sure to remind her how important that day is to all of them. My class also learned, without asking, that Celine's pregnancy was made possible by in vitro fertilization. I'm sure this will all come in handy sometime down the road.

You wanna get that paper, you better start baking
--DG

Dear America,

there has been a lot of clamoring for me to run as the president of the united states. I am extremely flattered but i would like to inform you all that I will not run in 2008. Not only have I had trouble raising money, but I think that it is unconstitutional for me to run in 2008, if this is true i call it unfair. I had some great ideas:

1. the whole china rant from a few minutes ago
2. free sweaters for all
3. livestock and potatoes will count as 3/5 of a man in the 2010 census, thus escalating Wyoming and Idaho into POWERHOUSES for the 2012 election
4. legalize it!
5. Did you know Wednesday is named for the Norse God Odin? Wēdnes dæg is like the Old Norse Oðinsdagr ("Odin's day"), which is an early translation of the Latin dies Mercurii ("Mercury's day"). Though Mercury (the messenger of the gods) and Woden (the king of the Germanic gods) are not equivalent in most regards.
6. Wednesday will now be called Freedomday of Liberty anyone worshipping the false idol of Odin shall be forced to live in Little Rock Arkansas

checkers

i propose that anyone caught playing chinese checkers should be put to death, also chinese food should be referred to as liberty food or freedom food. We need to stop these quasi-commy bastards while we still can

hot toothpaste

have you ever brushed ur teeth with reaaly hot toothpaste, its sooo not enjoyable and refreshing.

also special feature- A Window into the Magnolia State:

It is illegal to teach others what polygamy is.

A man may not seduce a woman by lying, and claiming he will marry her.

If one is a parent to two illegitimate children, that person will go to jail for at least one month.

Cattle rustling is punishable by hanging.

Vagrancy is punishable by either 30 days in prison or a $250 fine.

Unnatural intercourse, if both parties voluntarily participate, results in a maximum sentence of 10 years and $10,000.

It is illegal for a male to be sexually aroused in public.

hunan number 1

I went to a chinese buffet today and got macaroni and cheese. it was so bad. theres an indian place next door. Im thinking about going there for dinner, i hear they have good grits and biscuits..

Canadian Correspondent David Gold - Spotlight On: Sport

Apparently hockey season DID start recently. I want to apologize to everyone here that I so deeply offended when I wondered that aloud. You're right, I am the single dumbest person alive. Fuck you all. Keep praying there's ice in hell.

p.s. Go Caps

Spotlight On:

Myanmar Junta- those pricks are total assholes

sheets?

everyone in my dorm is wearing a sheet right now. there must have been a big kkk rally, which I hate by the way.

no wait turns out just a toga party.

a journey THROUGH TIME

on this date in 412 AD Theopolis Patriarch of Alexandria is born. Later in Life he dies.

long sleeve shirts for now on? maybe?

Greg Brighton (UIllinois) wrote at 8:17pm on October 12th, 2007
i gave the tattoo artist free range to put in the details and it came out amazing.

USSR

im kinda rooting for the reformation of the soviet union.. I miss the Russian accents in Bond Movies

Canadian Correspondent David Gold - Spotlight On: Economy

This actually happened a couple of weeks ago, but if you rely on Beer Me That Blog as a news source you should seriously re-evaluate your life. Anyway, the Canadian dollar, which was equal to 63 American cents as recently as 2002, is now worth more than its American counterpart (1 Canadian to 1.02 U.S., as of right NOW, when I wrote the "NOW", the first one). What does this mean? AMERICANS ARE FUCKED, some like myself harder and more graphically. The American dollar is slowly falling, but this newfound parity can be attributed primarily to the oil-driven economic boom currently occuring in Canada. It has recently become beneficial to extract oil from the massive Alberta oil sands, the largest proven oil reserve outside Saudi Arabia. According to my Canadian sources, Alberta still "blows mad cock", but the Canadian economy is reaping the benefits. I recently told Shawn from Vancouver (name changed, from Sam, to preserve anonymity) that it was just a matter of time before the U.S. military invasion, to which he responded, with dead-ass seriosity, "That's the doomsday scenario everyone talks about." I found that hilarious, but I'd probably be worried too if my military was outnumbered by the employees of Disneyworld (real talk).

They thought it was a record, they ain't know it was me
--DG

Free if you want!

go to http://www.inrainbows.com/ and get the new radiohead cd. pay as much as you want, itss fantastic

english

in my english 101 class a few hours ago we went to my teachers house a few miles off campus. Once we got there we sat on her front porch and talked about her ex-husbands while some of my fellow students smoked cigarettes, i just sat and nodded and said things like "is that right" and "Really?" then we talked about the movie we had to watch instead of coming to class the next 1o days. there were also nachos and soda.

best class ever

My girlfriends cantilever

A WIndow into the Magnolia State

Mississippians love soda. its a fact. There always drinking it here, apparently they love the sweet taste!

residents of the Magnolia state also seem to enjoy wearing sunglasses. I asked a kid in my dorm "why the sunglasses all the time" he said " i unno its sunny out"

what a crazy crazy place

Blacklisted

This is my "blacklist" of people places and things that we should we should keep our eyes on

1. The state of Arkansas
2. Wolverines (there big weasels... i just dont trust them)
3. Albanians
4. Pierre Morisset
5. Youth "Culture"
6. Countdown shows on E
7. Cheerleaders with conservative outfits
8. The Goddamn liberal media
9. Girls that just wanna be friends
10. People that speak a "language" other than english
11. People who think living at school is exciting and fun

whats the etiquette on that?

im gonna do this segment on the regular cause i dont really know how to be a fuctioning member of socierty. first issue: my roommate has red hair, i dunno what that means for me. What colors should i stay away from? I have a red hat, i am allowed to wear that? I also dunno about orange? should i go heavy blue (reds greatest enemy) and lastly can i eat strawberrys? id love some feedback

also my ra just came in my room and asked if it was my chair in the hallway.. i said no.

BUT IT WAS my chair, FUCK YOU authority!

also

also the animorphs series was filmed by our neighbors that eat tacos only sometimes.. iceman was the main character, i hated those Yeerks! he loved his mom but she just wasnt his mom anymore. She had an alien in her brain! also iceman could turn or "morph" into animals..

for more info check out those booklists they gave us in 2nd and 3rd grade that also had hanson biographies

Canadian Correspondent David Gold - Spotlight On: Canadian Cinema

Listen Bitches,

While it may not have an outstanding track record in terms of actually producing commercial films (though Black Robe is my shit), Canada has made a significant impact in the movie industry by sneaking its homegrown actors into American films, right under Hollywood's nose. For instance, would you be surprised to know that four out of five actors in this list are Canadian?

Jim Carrey
Ryan Gosling
Ryan Reynolds
Mark Ruffalo
Kiefer Sutherland

If you said Kiefer was the American, you're DEAD WRONG. That distinction actually belongs to Mr. Ruffalo, aka Ted Stewart, Donna's love interest in a "View From the Top", which may be the most criminally underrated film of the past 10 years. Kiefer was actually born in England and raised primarily in Toronto, which really makes the anguished screams of every terrorist he chokes to death seem slightly forced and hollow. In addition, Keanu Reeves, Elisha Cuthbert, Jason Priestley, and Seth Rogen were all raised in the land of maple syrup. So the next time you're deciding which movie to rent, you may want to get the best of borth worlds by picking up A View From the Top, which combines the comedic talents of both Mark Ruffalo and Canadian Mike Myers in a layered story about what it means to find love as a flight attendant in contemporary times. Thank me later.

Keep it nappy or braided up
-DG

alltel

alltel or altell or whatever is trying to sell phones based on the idea that chad is cooler than the other four guys.. was that guy the coolest guy they could find? The only difference between him and the other guys is his hair is died blonde. i mean, i thought that was cool in 5th grade or 6th? i dont remember. they should have gotten somone who is actually cool.. like Samuel l Jackson or Lee Corso who may be the coolest man alive

About the poll...

Firstly, i'm appalled at these results. Secondly, who knew 13 people read this blog? NOT ME! Thirdly, why is it possible to change your vote? thats really not how polls work...you can't just change your vote, it makes the poll almost completely pointless. Weird.

-Dickson Thomas Cohen

trix

Trix come in balls now? what the fuck is that about.. the rabbit can just have them

Dead to me retraction

ok so first of all Tiger your not dead to me your very much alive

secondly zoe your still alive to me duhhh every though ur farr away, but theres trains and planes and cars, ill see you soon i looove u

and thirdly my family i guess, but no cousins, only the ones i have to love