Canadian Correspondent David Gold - Spotlight On: Economy

This actually happened a couple of weeks ago, but if you rely on Beer Me That Blog as a news source you should seriously re-evaluate your life. Anyway, the Canadian dollar, which was equal to 63 American cents as recently as 2002, is now worth more than its American counterpart (1 Canadian to 1.02 U.S., as of right NOW, when I wrote the "NOW", the first one). What does this mean? AMERICANS ARE FUCKED, some like myself harder and more graphically. The American dollar is slowly falling, but this newfound parity can be attributed primarily to the oil-driven economic boom currently occuring in Canada. It has recently become beneficial to extract oil from the massive Alberta oil sands, the largest proven oil reserve outside Saudi Arabia. According to my Canadian sources, Alberta still "blows mad cock", but the Canadian economy is reaping the benefits. I recently told Shawn from Vancouver (name changed, from Sam, to preserve anonymity) that it was just a matter of time before the U.S. military invasion, to which he responded, with dead-ass seriosity, "That's the doomsday scenario everyone talks about." I found that hilarious, but I'd probably be worried too if my military was outnumbered by the employees of Disneyworld (real talk).

They thought it was a record, they ain't know it was me
--DG